The Lynx was prowling through the forest looking for her dinner. Her every footfall was silent. Her every movement subtle and quick. Her nose twitched when she caught the telltale scent of her quarry. It didn’t take long for her to pick up the trail and soon she was within striking distance of a nice juicy looking rabbit. Her whole body tensed like a spring. She was just about to pounce when The Pygmy Owl hopped up onto a rock right next to her head and began to squawk.
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The Lynx was so surprised she leapt into the air and latched onto a nearby tree. The rabbit she’d been stalking dashed into the bushes. After some time, The Lynx climbed down and confronted the strange little bird.
“Now see here! I don’t know who you are or what you are doing, but you just cost me my dinner. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Burn_FAT_Fast,_no_Diet_or_Exercise!” it replied, in its odd language. “Super hard abs in minutes, makes ladies scream. 20017_Resolution:_Stop_IRS_Collections_tD.”
“I can’t understand you. Nothing you say makes any sense. Please leave me alone.”
She turned tail and walked away leaving the little creature sitting on its rock.
Later that evening, The Lynx dropped by her favorite spring for a drink. The moon was high and cast a lovely reflection in the pool. She was still hungry, but happy to enjoy a peaceful moment. No sooner had she begun to lap up water, than The Pygmy Owl landed on a nearby log.
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The Lynx spat out her mouthful of water. The fur on her back stood straight up and her eyes went wide with shock. When she’d recovered, The Lynx glared at The Pygmy Owl.
“You again! Are you following me?”
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She splashed water at The Pygmy Owl with her paw, but the small bird just shook it off and continued to look at her with its vacant little eyes.
“Shoo, shoo! Stop pestering me.”
The Pygmy Owl was about to open his beak to say something else insensible, but The Lynx dashed off before it could utter another word.
Back in her cave, The Lynx was feeling very annoyed with how the night had gone. She hadn’t eaten a good dinner or even been allowed to get a drink. At least, she thought, she’d be able to enjoy a peaceful rest in her cozy lair without being interrupted. Just before she closed her eyes, The Lynx took one last look around to make sure she was alone. Satisfied that she had her privacy, she let her eyelids droop and began to relax.
Just then, a voice came from the mouth of her cave.
“Congratulations, THE LYNX! Discount Prescriptions Ratchet up Girth and –”
Rather than wait for The Pygmy Owl to finish, The Lynx struck him a fatal blow with a tennis racket.
Unwanted Solicitors do not understand subtlety. For your own good, be ruthless.